New Day

Another couple of months

2007-11-01T10:43:00.001-04:00

Hello,

It seems that you're the only one who will be reading this Blog any time soon, so I thought that I should welcome you as a new "subscriber". This is a tiny bit of me. It was written at my lowest in a decade... maybe even the lowest that I've been since my mom passed away. But, since that time, I've been able to calm my nerves and regroup.

It wasn't easy for me.

I don't write here any more... maybe I'll start again. But, for the moment, the blog is here to remind me of how bad it can get and how I can get through it.

I realized at some point that I was talking too much on this thing... and that I didn't really need to tell everyone every thing that was going through my mind. And when I realized that... I found that there was really no reason for a Blog.

I knew that I was better because I didn't have to say anything any more... I was finally ok with where I was at. And, that's how you find me. ok with where I'm at and looking to make things better.

Have fun with my blog! LOL... and I'll talk to you later!

Been a while...

2007-09-11T15:48:00.000-04:00

Hello,

Just working. That's about it... I've realized that working is fun in the sun. But, it's time I should be moving on! So, if anyone needs a bilingual Human Resource Generalist, drop me a line!

bilingual - French and English!

um... I'm a hard worker... LOL...

No, seriously ... I am.

Journal entry 1

2007-06-29T09:50:00.000-04:00

Now, that I've officially scared everyone away from looking at my site... I can use this as a journal to share thoughts.

Last night I went out... on a Thursday... before a work day.
It would be ok if I never did this... if this was the first time and I wasn't getting up at 6 the next morning...
but this is like every week, multiple times a week...
I need more sleep.
I need less partying.
My lifestyle currently does not match my paycheck!

Well, I am having oodles of fun!

We'll see.....

1 year later...

2007-06-28T15:03:00.000-04:00

Do you feel it?
Do you feel that you were able to overcome maybe one of the most devastating loses in your life...
Ya... I do feel that.
Now what, though???
I have new and better friends.
I have a new and better job.
I am thinking of moving out.

And it makes me wonder still...
LOL..

MY COUSIN has a baby!!! LOL...
Welcome Isabella Lee Ross!!!

Freedom is a Road

2006-12-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

Dear all,

Another 6 exams done... waiting for Co-op to start. My back hurts. My eyes hurt. Christmas used to be fun... didn't it??? Anyway... I think I am finally back to normal... finally.

Not much else is going on. Well, maybe a few things here and there... but you'll hear about them over Turkey and stuffing and... whatnot.

To those I won't see... Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and all those wonderful holidays in between.

Ciao

Still Alive, barely...

2006-11-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

Ok,

6 exams, 4 assignments, and one presentation later... I am still living... tomorrow is my first co-op interview... wish me luck. I hope yee be good! Oh... and I did live through the run! Things be brewing...

Have a great day!
BYAAAAAAA!

Running a Marathon Tomorrow!

2006-10-14T23:35:00.000-04:00

Hey,

Running the Toronto Marathon tomorrow. If I die during the jog... then it was a bad idea to run a marathon! Yes, you can have my CD collection!

Day have you good. All your base are belong to us.

Good Morning. Welcome to Killarney!

2006-09-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Here are the pics you've been waiting for. Sorry it took me so long, Dave... trust me... MY FAULT! Anyway... It was a great trip. School is moving along swimingly... you should check out my résumé! It looks like a professional did it... ha ... I did it!

Ok... enough is enough... enjoy the pics! I should explain them... but I will save that for when I have time.

Who knew that the JEEP was going to ever carry a Canoe?!?

Ok... so I'm busy... the spice of life.

2006-09-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

Camping and School. That's all I have to say. I will upload the pictrures of camping soon. School is a bit of a pain because I have to get used to early starts but at least I have some structure in life again. Too many chapters and assignments to think about.

toodles!

The Wedding

2006-09-02T23:23:00.000-04:00

Hello Darlings,

Just wanted to show you some pictures of the Wedding! All went well. I enjoyed the pictures outside the church. I also enjoyed the dinner! Scrumptuous! It was nice to see Fred and Eric. My cousins are a riot... literally!. Don't forget to eat your veggies and always remove the food from the pot that you cooked it in if storing!

One week till camping... just over a week till the first day of school... don't ask about the student I.D.! I'd show you but then... I'd have to kill you.

Toodles.

Dear Mama-jama

2006-08-24T19:47:00.000-04:00

Well... this blog has served it purpose. I needed to get things off my chest and here they all are for you to have fun with. Some of it I should not have said. But that's ok. I got it all out. You could say that this blog has been one big enema for me!!! LOL.
Moving along... I think that I will retire this blog for the time being. Yes there is more that I wanted to say. But when you reach the point where you are happy again... well, you don't really need to vent to the whole world any more. So... stay tuned for weekly or monthly updates. But it won't be an every day thing any more.
This Blog has indeed served its purpose. And I feel I can move on with whatever is to come next.
Yes, I miss what I had for six years of my life. That's a long time... it's hard not too. But I wish her the best... and maybe there is a friendship there when she feels she is ready.
College and Human Resources await. And yes... the bread baker keeps on delivering.

Toodles until something worthwhile like the beginning of school happens.
Oh, and a very special picture for those who love something a bit silly.

2006-08-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

super friends

Office Space Meets SuperFriends!

Pomme de Terre - the apple of the Earth

2006-08-09T13:31:00.000-04:00

Teaching French to English raised children is both a challenge and a reward. Sitting down with them and going over the various words and finding way to help them remember their vocabulary is tricky. My favourite word to this point has to be "Poubelle" which means "garbage" or "trash can". Broken down into its two syllables - Pou and Belle - I've told the children that have to learn this word that as long as they remember that to say garbage in french all they have to do is think of Beautiful Poo then arrange it in the proper order.
First they say "Poo" then they say "belle". As many of you already know, "belle" in French means beautiful or pretty. Hence, when you want to say trash can in French just think of beautiful poo! It should give you a laugh.

Toodles.

so whatcha whatcha whatcha want?

2006-08-07T23:35:00.000-04:00

Beastie Boys... Check your Head. Good Album.
Hmmmm... really hard to squeeze juice out of a rock. Don't know if I have the tools to do it. Still going to try. Step back. Breathe. Exhale. Inhale. In through the nose out through the mouth.

Toodles.

Remind me when to wake up.

2006-08-03T23:36:00.000-04:00

Refreshing as it is... the dream must come to an end at some point. Doesn't it? Nothing too perfect can ever last forever... right? The lost summer of 2006. One month left. Thank you for this summer in advance! Thank you for the chance at challenging myself and finding that I am worth it.
Oh, and a friendly hello to my Aunt and Uncle. I'll be back in Barrie soon... the Valley is a trek for another day, however.

Toodles ladies and gentlemen, toodles.

Bollywood!

2006-08-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

Watching the Hindi version of E.T. is so different. I sat... and saw this blue alien come down and give this man, who was for all intents and purposes mentally handicapped, special powers to overcome the bad guys. So the guy gets the girl and overcomes all obstacles with the help of his blue friend that looks like Piranha/lizard boy. Where can I get me one of those?
While it wasn't always easy to read the subtitles and some of the humour didn't make any sense to me... the thing that I liked about the movie was that it involved so many different aspects of entertainment. It was a musical where a musical wasn't necessary... and they changed outfits like 5 times during each song. Reminds me of some of the more wonderful movies from my childhood... where every other word was a song.
Do I wish that Hollywood followed suit? Maybe not... then we would have to be in theatres for longer... I guess the story is what it is... entertaining. But there has to be a way to incorporate songs (story relevant songs and not soundtrack) into the movie. These songs, in the Hindi E.T. (although handy E.T. is not the real name of the movie) were totally forced... but music is so common to our lives... why does it ever need to be forced?

Movies should have built in music if you catch my drift... Sure soundtracks capture the mood... but built in music enriches the scenes and adds entertainment... Try to think about that next time you're directing a movie!
E.T. in Hindi Vision!!!

Toodles once again.

When you're in the eye of the storm

2006-07-31T23:04:00.000-04:00

In light of my cousin's efforts over the weekend I decided to bike to and from work today... normally no problem if I'm going to my normal work. Today, however, I had to go to Port Credit... so morning shift bike to Eglington and Mavis... Afternoon shift... bike to Hurontario and Lakeshore.
Not a good idea!!! I had a lung full of exhaust from every car that went by and my butt hurt really bad... I got two cramps in both my knees at the same time and it was a nice a sunny day out! Scortcher!!!
Anyways, I didn't die! As you can tell because I am still here! But I could have... and that is the reality of it... don't do stupid things like ride your bike for three hours on a hot day... whether it's going to work or going to find lost treasure on Toronto's Islands... just don't do it... you deserve better!
Instead... you can drive your car around to create more pollution... increasing the temperature even further in your nice airconditioned automobile... It's ok, I do it too! It's just too bad that they're such a necessity... although there is public transit which my Aunt Esther takes all the time... at least as far as I know she does... (in the Winter on snow days). But people tell me that they don't want to feel like sardines or that buses smell like urine.
In any case... buses and transit can get inconvenient... so that's probably the reason why they aren't more popular. If they were though... gas prices might go down... the environment might get a little better... mass hysteria!!!

Don't wait for the Electric Car (that is affordable and efficient): David hasn't perfected it yet! Take the bus!

Comments are always welcome.

Toodles.

Lula lounge

2006-07-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

Yes, I can see it now... I do find it easy to express my emotions... don't know why. Maybe because I've had so much time to get used to doing it. Not having a brother or a sister means that you have to fill the time with something. So you think... you think about ways to make time fun. You play board games by yourself and become the second and third players. You think about all the little details.
I've known other only children... they're pretty weird too. Maybe weirder than I am. But, without fail... only children have a unique perspective on the world. They have never had to share. They've received all the love and attention from their parents. They get all blame. They must deal with all the expectations.
Yes, people with siblings have unique experiences as well but they'll never understand being the only one. It's a big responsibility. It's a big burden.

Toodles.

2006-07-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

Windward Shorts: Cubicle War

Oh man... cubicle war!!!

Waking up with no hands...

2006-07-20T23:56:00.000-04:00

When you have your mind on something... you need to relax...
Less retardation, more relaxation!
I used to be relaxed... A freight train could plow through my living room and I wouldn't notice a thing.
Well, let's see... five steps to relaxation... five steps...
Don't have any... way too intense...

Just know... don't question... there is no spoon...

Toodles.

Tea with Nids...

2006-07-10T22:28:00.000-04:00

Check out the new songs on the right when you get a chance!!! Totally melowed out.
When you come to this point in your life... you only want to surround yourself with the positive people. Nida Shahid might not always be positive... but if there is a person you can count on to be there for you when times are tough... it's probably going to be her.
There we were, Tim Horton's. Talking over two paper cups filled with tea. I hadn't seen her in about a month... mistakenly thought that she had done something to her hair. We talked about hypocrisy, and drama, and new people and making it out of life alive. Both looking for something more... both hoping that the other person finds something great. That's the type of friend I need.
And those are the type of friends that I have. The kind that are there for life and that will listen and that will put up with it all and won't tell me that I am annoying. The type that tell me that it is not a burden to help me when I am down.
I've had a really bad 2006 so far. I lost a dog (although that was in 2005 still, which makes me hope that the end of 2006 will have something good for me), I lost a job, I didn't get into my PhD, I didn't get into teacher's college, and to top it all off... Well, maybe that's a story for another post.
These last few months have been the turn around. Back to school! Business program and I better not even think of slacking because one year from now I plan on getting paid. New girl... that is amazing and challenging and makes me want to be better... but, if nothing else, has reminded me that I am worth it.
And things are looking up.
But in my darkest hour... when other's turned their back on me and showed their true colours... real friends were there for me... and I won't forget it.
Thank you to these people and may Zeus strike me down with a bolt of lightning if I forget their help ever:
Barbara who shared her story and made me feel that it was ok to be who I was and ALWAYS TOOK MY SIDE... I might have been wrong... but she sure never made me feel that way.
Kevin, who was a friend again in a split second. Who never really stopped being a friend. Who I should have hung out with more often.
A. S., Because I know he'll thinks it's gay that I mention him in my Blog, I'm just going to use his initials... he's a smart guy who speaks his mind... and his story of his breakup helped me deal with my own. He might have given me some false hope... but in the end it was worth every minute.
Nigmendra Narain... who was awesome in so many ways that it's not even easy to talk about... you're just there for me... we don't have to talk about breakups or anything... talking politics is a good enough escape.
Dave for being a cousin and for being a good one. For never having anything against me although he could have held a lot against me. I hope his flight lands ok tonight!!! Sorry that your honeymoon is over.
George who is a good friend to my cousin and is a good guy to have around... I look forward to years of laughter with that guy.
Elaine C. Who had no reason to be my friend again but was anyways...
Ben and the rest of my students who loved me as a TA and who will always remind me that I am indestructible.
And there is always the rest of the crowd from my Masters who worked really hard to build me up again... all of them... all of them.
Lastly, to a good friend who I hope stays around for a good long time... Nida. We should have coffee at least once a month like you said. And I hope that we are friends for a long time like I hope that I am friends with all these people for a long time.
I've made that promise before: "friends for life" and I haven't always kept it... but these people have shown me that I was their friend when times were rough... I'm not going to turn my back on them when times are good or bad.

Cheers to friends... the ones that are positive and don't turn their backs on you no matter how low you get.

Cheers to all of you! Here's to moving forward! Here's to honesty! Here's to enjoying life!

Why Zidane? Why...?

2006-07-09T16:52:00.000-04:00

Not much to say... France lost... in the shootout. Maybe because Zinedine decided to headbutt an Italian player twenty minutes into extratime. I really don't understand.
Anyways. Going to take a nap. I'm saying yes to naps!

Toodles.

The Shower

2006-07-07T14:40:00.000-04:00

A good long shower is all you need. So relaxing. And it doesn't make you think. It makes you oblivious to all the other things in the world... for 15 to 30 minutes. Like the rain: striking soflty, washing all the cares away.
I used to think that a shower was a way to take away the sins of the day. A cleansing. An enema.
Now, I think it's just a shower. Soothing for a couple of minutes. A nice way to get clean. I'm thinking of getting one of those nice showerheads... the ones that make it rain.
Have peaceful dreams tonight. Something to take the edge off.

Toodles.

Les Bleus! France in the Finals!

2006-07-06T16:14:00.000-04:00

France is in the finals. They're going to win too... I know because I just do.
Picture of Zenedine Zidane (Zizou)... he's awesome.

Toodles.

Long Day... long night... long life.

2006-07-05T00:07:00.000-04:00

The long morning rolled in. I was up with the sun. It was a new and awesome day. There was nothing that I could do about it: there was no way for me to stop the joy. I woke up and ate my breakfast... the same thing for the past three-and-a-half years. Routine! Can't live without it. Routine equals security. When there is no structure there is confusion. I need to work on forgetting routine.
I woke up because I was waiting for something that never came... that's ok... I'm used to lowering my expectations of others. I don't like lowering those expectations... it's just something that happens when the rest of the world can't be as amazing as you. I took a drag from a rancid cigarette. Hmmmm... Rancid... It was a good cigarette: I hadn't filled my lungs with that spicy pollution for nearly a year. And I sat on the curb, with my limp cigarette and wiped the exhaust from my eyes.
That sun's too big... it's too big in my eyes... it's too big... someone should take it down from the sky for a day... or at least ask it to take a nap. Cars pass: People going to work. I laugh in the face of work... I have a dentist appointment today. I puff to spite the cars. They puff back; I get a mouthful of car and cancer. Don't smoke or put your face at the same level as the car muffler. It will not make you a better person.
All my little hens in a row... all things nicely arranged. What have I learned...? and don't be arrogant you pompous asshole... WHAT have you REALLY learned?
To keep my mouth shut? To stop being a whiny sucky-pants? To learn how to spell? Aside from all of that... I've learned that this is my last cigarette ever... no more of this once a year crap to remind me why I don't.
This street never looked so lonely. It was full of life once. Maybe that was yesterday... I can't remember anymore... maybe it hasn't been that way since I moved in so many many years ago. I don't remember any more. It seems like so long ago.
I don't give a shit... just let me enjoy this last stick of white death for a little longer... just a little longer.

This message was brought to you by Pizza Pizza. When you just can't take it any more... have a slice!

Courtesy of: Nerds

Moon is down

2006-06-30T11:01:00.000-04:00

It's another interesting day for me. I came home early from working with the kids. And I was just thinking. When you're unhappy with life you have to do everything you can to change it. I don't know how much I've changed. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I need to still change some of the fundamentals. But, I don't think that there is a problem with the fundamentals.
And even if there was a problem with the fundamentals how could I change who I was? Can I stop being me? Can I fake it? Wouldn't the real me come out eventually? hmmm... all good questions.

I must meditate... oh... that cloud looks like a lion.

Toodles.

The lonely life of a paid assasin

2006-06-28T09:46:00.000-04:00

No, I am not a paid assasin. I can only imagine what that would be. Always hiding, never getting close to anyone because the next day you might have to leave. Always drinking milk.
Well, I always drink milk anyways. Someone once told me that drinking milk actually hurts your bones in the long run. I don't know if it's true but if it were then drinking milk would be like smoking, only instead of ruining your lungs it would be your bones that would deteriorate.
I think I'll continue to drink milk anyways. It tastes good. A lot of doctors recommend it. The comercials make me want to drink more of it... well, except for that new campaign that has everyone rapping and dancing... they need to do better research before they come up with add campaigns like that.
Besides, it's the choice of the assasin. How could something so pure be the drink of choice for someone so ... how would I put that... not evil... dangerous!!! ha. Anyways, watch "The Professional" if you get a chance. Awesome movie! Very sad, very uplifting.

Toodles!

I pour a sip on the concrete for the deceased.

2006-06-22T10:57:00.000-04:00

In this time of transition I have to symbolically say goodbye to some people that have died or that have gone from my life. This is my sip on the concrete for them: to let them know that I will always think of them, that I was happy to have known them and that I’m happy to be going on with my life.
First: To Snowy and Whisky Fadel, two of the greatest dogs in the world. I miss you both and you were a part of this family and you will always be remembered.
Second: To Kasey Ross, I know that you were as good to my cousins as Snowy was to me.
Third: To R.G. a good friend who always had a lot to say. I know that I will miss you for your views on life. I know that I will miss your rant always and if we meet again I know that I can greet you with a smile.
Fourth: To T, to S, to K, to N: beyond anything else… you were good friends. And I loved to laugh with you. And I will continue to think about the good times and hold those as golden. I will never forget the lip-synch, the basement, dressing up like gangsters or the trip to the zoo.
And a special tribute to Square One: my home away from home for 5 years. I will miss that mall and that job… but it’s the good times that I will remember: the friends, the chance to learn about who I am.
Today, I bury these people and things not to say that they didn’t mean anything… but to say that they meant so much and that they always will. But there is no anger and there is no sadness. There is only joy that I knew such wonderful people and things in my life. And that I was able to grow because of them.
Another lesson learned. Another sun-down and sun-up. Another reminder that life is worth living. Never be scared of what life has to offer. Never be scared of the tomorrow because tomorrow is soon to become today.

Toodles.

Music links on the right!

2006-06-20T02:18:00.000-04:00

I've started to post music links. You can get more atmosphere and ambiance while you read my blog if you listen to them.
Music makes my wolrd go round and I think that every good life should have a soundtrack.

Hope you enjoy!

Toodles.

2006-06-20T01:18:00.000-04:00

This parody of X-men contains coarse language and scenes of violence. Viewer discretion is advised. If you are 18 and over... go on and watch... if not... then seriously consider asking your parents before you ruin your mind with silly, offensive things like this cartoon. That being said... this is some seriously funny crap!

Toodles.

juggernaught bitch!

Epiphany and then some

2006-06-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

Considering all that has gone on in the last few months, I have figured out a lot of things. When it happened, I was a mess and I tried desperately to fill the void that was left behind.
Since then, I've worked on a lot of things that I had put aside. I've written a lot and I've done things that I probably would have never done otherwise (like wall climbing). And I've met and reacquainted myself with a lot of good people.
I've also come up with a whole bunch of projects. Projects that will take me a long time to finish.
I guess that I still feel raw about what happened. I still feel let down. But I'm learning that building myself back up and paying attention to myself is important and can be a good thing.
I don't know if there is anyone out there for me. But, for now, I'm going to try to be better on my own. And maybe someone nice will come along one day.

I think that I needed Dave's stagg to make me realize that I would be ok. I needed to see my cousins and be with people. I think that I needed my friends, old and new. And they were there like no time had passed. And I didn't realize how important that was to me until now.

Still rebuilding. But the foundation is solid.

Toodles

Always the Bride's Maid...

2006-06-15T23:51:00.000-04:00

26 and my life is still... trying to get up that great big hill.

So, here I am. As wonderful and big hearted as normal. My cousin Dave just got married. I love that guy. And I'm so happy for him. But he's 4 months younger than I am. And I feel old. People laugh at me when I tell them that I feel that way. They tell me that I am 26 and that I have so much time to do what I want, when I want. And they might be right but it doesn't keep me from feeling tired.

Oh well, no more Mr. Nice guy... because they finish last. Well, maybe I can strategically hide Mr nice guy. Maybe that's impossible. I'm too damn honest to stop being Mr Nice guy. UH! Stupid code of ethics and morality. I'm cursed to be a nice guy for the rest of my life.